I keep having this dream where I find rooms in the flat that I didn’t know were there. I’ll open a door and there’s a corridor or a staircase or a room that’s always been there and I just haven’t ever noticed it before. At night this building expands, its edges keep shifting. I think I know more than I’m supposed to.
In one of these dreams it’s just me squeezed into some sort of cavity, underneath or behind, deep in the building. There’s the sound of a boiler buzzing. I don’t know where I am but I didn’t put myself in here and I can’t get myself out.
I can hear talking, a conversation between two people somewhere close by. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but I can tell that they don’t know each other. As it goes on her voice gets louder, harder. She asks him to leave, the door goes and then quiet. I’m crouching in this tiny dark space, safe, reassured even, hiding, listening.
For the first year that I lived here I didn’t have any curtains. To begin with it didn’t really bother me, I figured that if anybody could see me it’s not like they knew me so why should I care. But in winter it was dark all the time, and the window was this big mirror so all I could see was the room reflected and me in it. I didn’t like that feeling of being on display all the time, so sometimes I’d sit with the lights off so that I could see out but other people couldn’t see in. Some of the flats across the street had the lights on and curtains open all the time, I’m not sure why.
I kept pestering the landlord about the curtains but nothing happened so in the end I stapled up a sheet over the window in my bedroom, just to get a bit of privacy. Then one day I came back from work and walked in the living room and there was a man putting up a curtain rail. He scared the shit out of me, I wasn’t expecting it at all. He said the landlord had let him in which would make sense, but at the time I remember thinking that was weird cos he never answered any of my messages and I didn’t even know he had a key.
He left saying he’d be back the next day or the day after to put up the new curtains, but he never came back. And it was only after he’d gone and I was getting into bed that I realised he’d taken the sheet with him. I stayed up that night for so long, just staring out the window at the flats opposite seeing who was still awake with me. In the morning I called the landlord about it but he never got back to me. About a week after that I had a girl over and at some point I switched the lights off and I saw this long silhouette of a person standing in the window of the flat opposite, pressed right up close to the glass. They were stood still looking over at us, against the green light in the kitchen behind. I mean they could’ve just been looking out the window it’s not like I know for certain they were watching us but I dunno, after that I felt kind of weird about it.
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2slutswow look at you
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angelpsychoI never seen somebody move like that
dxddy202xSo sexy
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lonely_husbandShe is my favorite girl ever i literally watch her everyday
angelpsychowhat a show
saif8686jbI would like to imagine being there with you now..ahh the life
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charlowinhi princess
charlowindid you miss me?
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bryce_2045I love watching her
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angelpsychommm just like that
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jbvm86look at those hips
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cujimmycare you a profesional dancer?
your_private_fantasyThank you! I am not professional I just like dancing in my bedroom
spotie6I like your bedroom is there room for one more?
your_private_fantasyI hope you enjoy my show!
daly101do you live by yourself?
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badman18cmhi you look so good
spotie6what is that on the wall behind you?
lonely_husbandyou are a gift what an amazing sight to see
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badman18cmhi babe
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badman18cmwill you accept my private message?
your_private_fantasythanks for the tips lonely_husband!
iwillbeyourdreamperfection
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ryanlove65Point the camera up a bit baby
bro_in_leather_pantsmmmm wow
smartass1203I bet you are so cute why don’t you show us your face?
mr_potato_chipsSuch a inviting lady you are.
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lonely_husbandsmartass1203 she doesn’t ever show it
bro_in_leather_pantsI wanna eat you up
hungry_jeffprobably cos shes got an ugly face
your_private_fantasyI can’t show my face because of my work sorry!
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fatboyeyou are the best tease of i see in my life.
spotie6what are those pictures behind you?
bigboyrockwow im sure awesome view from behind with you bent over pls
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bigboyrocksqueeze your tits honey, pls
bluballs83 GUYS….no demands, no begging, no directing…only tips for her
iwillbeyourdreamhere we go
IwillbeyourdreamYou have the sexiest voice I ever heard
bryce_2045good girl
daly101Keep talking
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badman18cmhey sweety common show me
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cujimmycgood appetite my angel
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lieutenantjokercome closer
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lieutenantjokerpull it to the side for me
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lieutenantjokersuch a tease
lieutenantjokercmon just a little more
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lieutenantjokerthats a good girl
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davidt6673God yes
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biggdicknick31what a nasty girl you are
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ryanlove65you can take more
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ryanlove65 come on
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ryanlove65you want to impress us dont you
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your_private_fantasythanks for the tips lonely_husband!
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sportygeeki never see something like that before
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sportygeekwow
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ryanlove65take it all baby we know you can
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davidt6673i want soo bad
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sportygeekmmmm you kill me you are the best really wow
rattus08impressive 🙂
angelpsychowow you look so good like that
lonely_husbandI wish I could see the look on your face my darling
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angelpsychoI bet you taste as good as you look
ryanlove65if you were here right now I would destroy you
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lonely_husbandyou are so special
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your_private_fantasythanks for the tips biggdicknick31!
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biggdicknick31mmm im so hard
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sweetandthiccmmm I wish I could have seen that close up in real life
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ryanlove65do your parents know what you do?
bluballs83ryan its 2020 it is a job like any other
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cujimmycshow us some more pleas my angel
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onl00kerdid I miss the show?
lonely_husbandryanlove65 do you think it’s something she should be ashamed of?
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ryanlove65no I like the idea that its her dirty secret
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ryanlove65I wouldn’t want my daughter doing this though lol
ryanlove65or my wife lol
bluballs83if its so bad then why are you here?
ryanlove65my wife isnt this disgusting thats why I come here lol
onl00kerwhat did she do that was so disgusting?
lonely_husbandI love it when she takes it that far
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ryanlove65lonely_husband shes obviously ashamed or she wouldnt hide her face would she
lonely_husbandI wish my wife was this disgusting
bluballs83were all getting off on it arent we so whats the big deal
onl00kerwhat did I miss??
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cujimmycwhered she go?
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lonely_husbandbye my darling
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onl00kerbaby where did you go?
The ugly man from downstairs is back with his ugly wife. She’s carrying two orange plastic bags, tagging a bit behind him. He’s doing all the talking, no surprises. Whatever he’s saying he obviously thinks it’s really important cos the way he’s waving his arms about it’s like he’s got an invisible audience. He’s too far away for me to be able to hear what he’s saying but I’d put money on it being completely trivial. His wife isn’t paying any attention, not that he’s noticed. She’s thinking god I wish you’d shut up I wish I never had to listen to another word, which is what I would be thinking if I had to listen to him banging on and on like that all day. She just ignores him but then she looks up at me and I’m about to duck out of sight but she’s staring right at me with this face that I can’t put my finger on, sort of fear but also kindness, like she’s trying to tell me something except she’s four floors down so it’s hard to know what it is.
In the dreams I see myself and what I’m seeing. There are two cameras, two shots running together at the same time.
It’s in slow motion, hand held, just one shot of a woman walking from behind, zoomed in, from the waist up, mostly just the back of her head. It jerks around a lot, moving in step with her but at a distance, on and on like that, her hair swishing side to side. The way she walks I can tell she knows there’s somebody behind her. A couple of times she turns her head to the side a bit and I’m thinking yeah ok I know that feeling, like when you can see someone out the corner of your eye but you don’t wanna turn and look them right in the face. For some reason I keep expecting her to spin around and see me looking. I know I shouldn’t be watching but at the same time I can’t stop.
I wake to the sound of the door and then I am stood upright by the side of the bed, my eyes wide while the room rolls around me. Sunlight has slipped between the curtains. Dust floats stirred, a thin line reaching gracefully across the room.
There’s a man at the door from pest control who says there’s an infestation in the building and he’s got to come check the beds. It’s the first I’ve heard of it. I don’t really want to let him in but before I’ve even had a chance to speak he’s walked straight past me and into the bedroom.
He asks me to remove the sheets so I do, then he’s kneeling all folded up on the floor. I’m looking at him thinking why do I recognise you where have I seen your face? Then I notice all these stains on the mattress that I’ve never seen before and he gives me a look as if to say see I told you. He’s parting the seam with two fingers and inspecting it closely and this sour taste starts rising up slimy in the back of my mouth and I don’t know if it’s from him or from me but while he’s got his back turned I lift up the hem of my t-shirt and my stomach and my hips and all around the sides are covered in these red scabs or bites and I’m thinking what the fuck has happened here
zoom in
and it’s not just bites it’s a rash or no it’s moving something in my skin like eggs or loads of tiny insects squirming under the surface
cut
then we are in another room, one I didn’t know was here. It is the pest control man and me and we are looking out of a first floor window, down onto a road which is a road I used to live on, in a different city to where we are now.
There’s a way of getting into my building that I discovered the other night.
Around the corner, probably about a ten minute walk down the main road, there’s a take away called Mr. Ma’s. I used to walk back that way whenever I missed the last train and it was always open no matter how late. Very well lit if I remember right, with all these faded pictures of the dishes laminated and pinned up on the wall. Never anybody in there though.
So I was in this takeaway – I’m pretty sure it was Mr. Ma’s – and at the very back there was this door. I just walked behind the counter real casual and straight through the kitchen to the door, and the woman at the till didn’t say anything. Then I was on a staircase going up and up, and somehow I came out in my building, at the end of my corridor.
I went past Mr. Ma’s today and had a look through the window and there is a door at the back of the kitchen exactly where I thought. I didn’t go in though I just stood on the pavement and looked in through the window at this long greasy looking guy who was sat in there all squeezed up into the plastic chair and table. He was staring right at me while he crammed these fat noodles into his tiny mouth. The ugly man from downstairs was sat there with his ugly wife as well but not talking to each other maybe cos he’d run out of things to say.
Something seemed to be going on though, it was all a bit off. The ugly woman was staring at the greasy man who was staring at me and then he gave me this look as if to say come and have a seat here, like he patted the seat next to him with his eyes. I didn’t react I just stood there looking past him at the door at the back and then at the woman at the till. She was giving me this weird look I dunno what it was but she definitely wasn’t inviting me inside.
I’m scrunched up in this dark space tiny twisted up in some way adjusting myself trying to get comfy and I can hear a loud rustling right up in my ear so I’m crouched there trying to work out what’s going on and I can smell plastic like bin liners clean ones you know that smell it’s so distinctive and it’s completely black so I can’t see a thing and I can’t feel my arms or legs either so I’m shuffling around trying to feel it out and then I find my hands but they are so heavy like sand or something dragging up and pushing at the edges of the bag trying to tear a little hole thinking this is easy I can do this it’s only thin plastic but my fingers are so weak and it’s taking all my weight just to push a tiny hole cos all I want to do is let some light in just to see what the fuck is going on so I’m holding my breath and giving it everything I’ve got but I can’t I can’t I’m pressing forcing fingers but its draining all the energy I have is dripping out my limbs, my hands keep slipping, god I’m tired, my fingers slow and weak keep failing.
onl00kercome back
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onl00kersweetie?
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onl00kerI know your still there because the cameras still on
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onl00kerI missed the show earlier
onl00kerare you going to make it up to me?
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onl00kerwhere is your friend from the other day?
onl00kerI liked her a lot
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onl00ker tipped 50 tokens
onl00kerwhat city are you in?
onl00kerI can see out of your window
onl00kerIt’s night where I am too
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onl00kerare those pictures of you?
onl00kerif I zoom in I can see your face
onl00keryou look different to how I imagined
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onl00kerI would love to meet you
onl00kercome back and do a little show for me